Choices Surpassed
by dayglo1
Summary: Last in my Choices series. Grissom and Catherine's relationship comes to a head after the events of High and Low. After all that they've been through together, will this be the end? **Finished!!!**
1. Nothin's Gonna Save Me

Title: Choices Surpassed  
  
Chapter 1-Nothin's Gonna Save Me  
  
Summary: if your love could be caged/ honey, I would hold the key./ and conceal it underneath/ that pile of lies you handed me./ and you'd hunt and those lies/ they'd be all you'd ever find.   
  
Author's Notes: Thanks so much for the awesome feedback on the last chapter of Choices Remembered. If you thought that chapter was angsty, wait until you read this one! vbeg This is the last story in my Choices series and deals with the aftermath of High and Low. There will be five chapters. The first and last chapters will be in Catherine's POV and the middle three will be in Grissom's POV. Cry is by Faith Hill. The beginning of this series (and the rest of my fic) can be found at my site:   
  
Spoilers: Just High and Low, I think, although everything up to there is game.  
  
Dislcaimers: Not mine. Don't sue, I have no money. Song's not mine either.  
  
Feedback: Makes me very, very happy.  
  
Archive: Sure, just let me know  
if I had just one tear   
running down your cheek  
maybe I could cope   
maybe I'd get some sleep.   
  
Something was wrong. I knew and he knew it, and yet we sit here silently, as though everything's just fine. He lied to me. The other day he lied to me when I went to his office to talk to him. He lied to me, and I want to know why. The silence is starting to get to me. I've always hated it, but it seems like Grissom's retreated into silence more and more often lately, and for longer periods of time. And I want to know why. Something's wrong, and I need to know what it is.  
  
if I had just one moment at your expense   
maybe all my misery would be well spent.   
  
"Gil…"  
  
He looks up from the paperwork he's doing and shakes his head, "Don't start, Catherine."  
  
could you cry a little  
lie just a little  
pretend that you're feeling a little more pain.   
  
Something inside me snaps at his words. Don't start?! For the past several months he's refused to let me start, refused to let me in, tell me what the hell's going on in that head of his.   
  
I gave, now I'm wanting something in return   
so cry just a little for me.   
  
I shoot out of my seat, finally voicing all that has rattled in my brain for far too long. "Don't start?! Well tell me Grissom, when exactly can I start? You've be like this for months, trapped in your own little shell, what the hell's going on?!"  
  
if your love could be caged  
honey, I would hold the key.   
and conceal it underneath   
that pile of lies you handed me.   
  
He looks at me and sighs, "Cath, it's complicated…"  
  
I cut him off, "Everything's always been complicated with us, and that's never stopped you from talking to me before."  
  
He looks at me, begging me to understand, "I can't…"  
  
Once again, I don't let him finish, "Yeah, well when you can, come find me. Until then, you can just go to hell."  
  
and you'd hunt and those lies   
they'd be all you'd ever find.   
and that'd be all you'd have to know   
for me to be fine.   
  
And I leave.  
  
and you'd cry a little  
you'd die just a little  
and baby I would feel just a little less pain.   
  
After I've left his office, I go to the locker room and slump on the bench. It felt good to finally cause him some pain, to give back what I've been getting for the past few months. But at the same time, the look on his face as I left haunts me.  
  
I gave now I'm wanting   
something in return  
so cry just a little for me.   
  
Gil and I have been friends for years. During the years of our friendship, he's always been there for me, always been the one I turned to. Even when I was married to Eddie, he was the one I went to when everything blew up in my face. Now, I'm asking him to let me return the favor, and he refuses to, refuses to let me help him.  
  
give it up baby  
I hear you're doin' fine.   
  
When I finally regain my composure, I leave the locker room and go in search of Grissom again. I may well be a glutton for punishment, but I still want him to talk to me. I look into his office, but he's not there anymore. Turning around, I see Warrick. He answers my question before I ask it, "I saw him head out to his car." I nod and run out the door. I see him at his car, opening the door, acting as if everything's fine.  
  
Nothin's gonna save me  
I see it in your eyes.   
  
"Gil!" He turns around and I stop in my tracks. The look in his eyes tells me it's hopeless. I have no chance at getting him to talk to me. It's like I don't even know him anymore.  
  
some kind of heartache   
honey give it a try.   
  
When I don't say anything, he turns around and gets into his car. My heart breaks with every moment that passes in silence.  
  
I don't want pity,   
I just want what is mine  
  
As he drives away, I begin to shake with my effort to not cry. Warrick walks up behind me and places a hand on my shoulder. "You okay?", his voice is full of concern. I nod and shake off his hand. I've thankful for his concern, but it's not what I want. I want Gil.  
  
Could you cry a little  
Lie just a little  
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain  
  
I stand outside his door, trying to muster my courage to talk to him. Finally, I knock. He opens the door, and without a word lets me in. Surprised, I turn to look at him. His eyes are closed off again. He's not going to let me know.  
  
I gave now I'm wanting  
Something in return  
  
We go to the living room, and I try one more time, "Gil…"  
  
So cry just a little for me  
  
He looks at me, his eyes dead, despite all that must be going on behind them. "Cath, don't," he pauses, "just, don't, okay?"  
  
Cry just a little for me  
  
I nod, and I leave once again, this time never looking back.  
  
could you cry a little for me  
  
TBC 


	2. Finally Scared

Title: Choices Surpassed  
  
Chapter 2-Finally Scared  
  
Summary: I think you're so mean - I think we should try/ I think I could need this in my life/ I think I'm just scared - that I know too much/ I can't relate and that's a problem  
  
Author's Notes: Thanks so much for all of your reviews! I know some of you were hoping for less angst this chapter, but no such luck ;) This chapter covers the same events as chapter one, just in Grissom's POV. Hope you all enjoy! If You're Gone is by Matchbox 20. The beginning of this series (and the rest of my fic) can be found at my site: . All other notes and stuff are in the first chapter.  
  
I think I've already lost you   
I think you're already gone   
  
Catherine and I are sitting in my office. I'm pretending to do some paperwork, but really I'm waiting for her to get tired of the silence. I know she will, she always does. Although I'm anticipating it just to get it over with, I'm also dreading it. We've been drifting farther and farther apart, and I know it's my fault. I know that eventually it will just be too much, and she'll be gone.  
  
I think I'm finally scared now   
  
"Gil…"  
  
I look up. She's gotten tired of trying to out-wait the silence, "Don't start, Catherine." I see the look on her face and know that the moment has arrived.  
  
You think I'm weak - But I think you're wrong   
  
I watch her face as she struggles to fight with her emotions, a battle I know she will lose. She thinks that I'm keeping a secret from her because I'm afraid to tell her, to let anyone in. And she's right, in a way. I am keeping a secret and it is because I'm afraid to tell her, but it's to protect her, it's for her own good.  
  
I think you're already leaving   
Feels like your hand is on the door   
  
I see in her face the exact moment when she loses the battle with her emotions. She shoots out of her seat, "Don't start?! Well tell me Grissom, when exactly can I start? You've been like this for months, trapped in your own little shell, what the hell's going on?!"  
  
I thought this place was an empire   
But now I'm relaxed I can't be sure   
  
I've always thought of my office as a sanctuary, but in this moment it becomes a war zone. "Cath, it's complicated…"  
  
She doesn't let me finish, "Everything's always been complicated with us, and that's never stopped you from talking to me before."  
  
I know she's right, but that doesn't change the fact that this time it's just all too much. I try again, begging for her to understand, "I can't…"  
  
I have never seen the look that is now on her face, and it makes my blood run cold. I dread to hear the words that come out of her mouth, but I do, and they ring in my ears for what seems like an eternity, "Yeah, well when you can, come find me. Until then, you can just go to hell."  
  
I think you're so mean - I think we should try   
I think I could need - this in my life   
  
And she's gone. And there is nothing I can do to bring her back.  
  
I think I'm just scared - I think too much   
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing   
  
I sit in silence after she leaves. I knew that eventually it would come to this, that eventually I would lose her over this. But there's nothing I can do about it. I have to protect her.  
  
If you're gone maybe it's time to come home   
  
I wait for her to come back, sure that eventually she'll come back, like she always does. But this time, she doesn't. Finally, I can't stand to be in my office anymore and I gather my things and leave.  
  
There's an awful lot of breathing room   
  
I take a deep breath as I reach the parking lot and head towards my car. Without Catherine there, the walls of my office had seemed to be closing in on me.  
  
But I can hardly move   
  
"Gil!" I turn around at the sound of my name, then freeze when I see Catherine coming towards me. She had come back after all, but I can't seem to move, or think, or even breathe. She stops as well, and we stand there, staring at each other, neither one having the courage to voice all that needs to be said.  
  
If you're gone baby you need to come home   
Cuz there's a little bit of something in me   
In everything in you   
  
I wait for her to say something, but I know she won't. We've gotten good at these waiting games over the years, trying to see who'll break first. Finally, I turn around and get into the car. I'm done playing our game.  
  
I bet you're hard to get over   
I bet the moon just won't shine   
I bet my hands I can stay here   
I bet you need more than you mind   
  
As I drive away, I watch Catherine out of my rearview mirror, and I see Warrick go over to check on her. I watch as she shakes his hand off her shoulder and walks away. It seems like we're always walking away now. It's so much easier than talking.  
  
I think you're so mean - I think we should try   
I think I could need this in my life   
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much   
  
I hear a knock at my door and curse under my breath. I know it's Cath. Why can't she just leave me alone? Doesn't she know it breaks my heart everytime she walks away? Almost against my will, I open the door and let her in.  
  
I can't relate and that's a problem   
I'm feeling   
  
As we stand in the living room, I fight to keep my emotions off my face. I succeed in doing so just as she turns to me, "Gil…"   
  
If you're gone maybe it's time to come home   
There's an awful lot of breathing room   
But I can hardly move   
  
And the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Cath, don't," I pause to keep my voice from breaking, "just, don't, okay?" Time seems to stand still and I swear I stop breathing as I wait for her answer.  
  
If you're gone baby you need to come home   
Cuz there's a little bit of something in me   
In everything in you  
  
She nods, then leaves. And she never looks back.  
  
I think you're so mean - I think we should try   
I think I could need - this in my life   
I think I'm just scared - do I talk too much   
I know it's wrong it's a problem I'm dealing.  
  
TBC 


	3. A Candle in the Window

Title: Choices Surpassed  
  
Chapter 3-A Candle in the Window  
  
Summary: And even as I wander,/ I'm keeping you in sight./ You're a candle in the window,/ On a cold, dark winter's night./ And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might./ And I can't fight this feeling anymore.  
  
Author's Notes: Can't Fight This Feeling is by REO Speedwagon. The beginning of this series (and the rest of my fic) can be found at my site: . All other notes and stuff are in the first chapter.  
  
I can't fight this feeling any longer.   
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.   
  
For the longest time after Catherine's left, I stay standing perfectly still in the middle of my living room. I'm too stunned to move. She's gone. She's left me before, sure, but never like this. This time I know without a doubt that she won't be back. And I have no idea what do now.  
  
What started out as friendship,   
Has grown stronger.   
  
We've been friends for so long that I've forgotten how to live without her. She's more than just a friend, she everything to me.  
  
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.   
  
I know she left because she thinks that I don't trust her, that I don't need her. She couldn't be more wrong.   
  
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever.  
  
Now if only I could find a way to tell her that.  
  
I said there is no reason for my fear.   
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.   
  
I need to talk to her, to see her. I can't let her leave forever.  
  
You give my life direction,   
You make everything so clear.   
  
Suddenly, the choice is clear. I grab my coat and head out the door.  
  
And even as I wander,   
I'm keeping you in sight.   
You're a candle in the window,   
On a cold, dark winter's night.   
  
I decide to walk to her house. I tell myself it's so I can figure out what to say, but really I'm just stalling. I reach her house fairly quickly though, and I can see the light on in her living room.  
  
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.   
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.   
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.   
  
I'm walking to her door when I stop, turn around and walk away. I hurt her today, I've been hurting her for months. I might need our friendship, but it's slowly destroying her. It's selfish of me to expect her to forgive me again.   
  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,   
And throw away the oars, forever.   
  
I have to do what's best for her.   
  
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.   
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.   
  
And so I leave.  
  
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,   
Come crushing through your door,   
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.   
  
I walk away as quickly as I can. I know that if I pause for even a second I'll lose my determination and go back to her. And I can't let myself do that. She deserves more than this.  
  
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.   
I've been running round in circles in my mind.   
  
Every step I take breaks my heart a little more. We have been friends for over a decade. In that time, she has irrevocably changed my life.  
  
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,   
Cause you take me to the places,   
That alone I'd never find.   
  
She's changed me so much, changed who I am. Without her, I would never have had the courage to become the person that I have.  
  
And even as I wander,   
I'm keeping you in sight.   
  
Eventually, I reach a park not far from her house. The two of us have even taken Lindsey there before.  
  
You're a candle in the window,   
On a cold, dark winter's night.   
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I mught  
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.   
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.   
  
This park is filled with memories, and I realize that just about everything I do, everywhere I go will be filled with memories. We've been too large a part of each other's lives for too long for it not to.  
  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,   
And throw away the oars, forever.   
  
How am I supposed to keep on going without the person I love?  
  
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.   
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.   
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,   
Come crushing through your door,   
  
The realization of what I've just acknowledged hits me and I quickly sit on a nearby bench. I love her. What the hell am I supposed to do now?  
  
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.  
  
TBC 


	4. Fall Into the Sky

Title: Choices Surpassed  
  
Chapter 4-Fall Into the Sky  
  
Summary: And I wonder/ If you ever think of me/ Cause everything's so wrong/ And I don't belong/ Living in/ Your precious memory/ Cause I need you/ And I miss you  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, so you guys have been so awesome with your reviews that I've decided to post the fourth chapter today. The last chapter will be up on Monday. A Thousand Miles is by Vanessa Carlton. The beginning of this series (and the rest of my fic) can be found at my site: . All other notes and stuff are in the first chapter.  
  
Making my way down town   
Walking fast   
Faces pass   
And I'm home bound   
  
Eventually, I pull myself up off the bench and start walking again. I have no idea where I'm going, until I look up and find myself on Cath's block again.   
  
Staring blankly ahead   
Just making my way   
Making a way   
Through the crowd   
  
Sighing to myself, I turn around and continue to wander, my head full of thoughts.  
  
And I need you   
And I miss you   
  
I love her. I know that now. I just don't know what exactly I'm supposed to do about it. The easy answer would be to go tell her. But I can't. Not after the way we left things. I am so completely confused right now. Normally she would be the one I'd talk to about it, but that's kinda out of the question at this point.  
  
And now I wonder   
If I could fall   
Into the sky   
Do you think time   
Would pass me by   
  
I wish that I could stop time, for just a moment, so that I could think without the world around me, crowding me, hemming me in. Too bad that's a scientific impossibility.  
  
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles   
If I could just see you... tonight   
  
I've gone to her house twice tonight, and each time I've turned away. I want so badly to see her…to talk to her.  
  
It's always times like these   
When I think of you   
  
I need her.  
  
And I wonder   
If you ever think of me   
  
But she doesn't need me.   
  
Cause everything's so wrong   
And I don't belong   
  
Maybe she never really has.  
  
Living in   
Your precious memory   
  
For as long as I've known her, I've tried to protect her. And yet, I'm the one who ended up hurting her the most.  
  
Cause I need you   
And I miss you   
  
I've shut her out, over and over again, through the years. I've lied to her, and kept things from her, but I swore to myself that I would never betray her. I can't decide if I have or not. I'm afraid to know what she'd say if I asked her that question.  
  
And now I wonder   
If I could fall   
Into the sky   
Do you think time   
Would pass me by, oh   
  
But, I guess that's what it's always come down to with us. Fear. Every lie I've ever told her, every secret I've ever kept from her, were all because I was afraid of what knowing would do to her. They were all for her own good.  
  
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles   
If I could just see you... tonight   
  
Except maybe they weren't. Maybe she doesn't need me to protect her. Maybe she's stronger than I think she is.  
  
And I, I don't wanna let you know   
I, I drown in your memory   
  
There's only one way to find out. Unfortunately, it'd involve actually talking to her. It's so hard to talk, it's so much easier to walk away. I think we've both demonstrated that several times tonight.  
  
I,I don't wanna let this go   
I, I've fallen...   
  
Suddenly, I turn around. I know where I need to be. I'm done walking away.  
  
Making my way down town   
Walking fast   
Faces pass   
And I'm home bound   
  
I walk quickly, trying to get Cath's as fast as I can. I hadn't realized how far I walked until now.  
  
Staring blankly ahead   
Making my way   
Making a way   
Through the crowd   
  
I cut through the park, urgently weaving around the families and kids on bikes.  
  
And I still need you   
And I still miss you   
  
I need to see her.  
  
And now I wonder   
If I could fall into the sky   
Do you think time, would pass us by   
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles   
If I could just see you...   
  
I need to talk to her, I have to let her know. It no longer matters if it's the right or even smart thing to do. It's what I need to do.  
  
If I could fall into the sky   
Do you think time would pass me by   
  
I once again reach her house and this time there is no hesitancy as I knock on the door.  
  
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles   
If I could just see you...   
  
I wait impatiently for her to open the door. When she does, I barely notice the look of shock on her face when she sees who it is.  
  
If I could just hold you... tonight  
  
Instead, I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. "I love you", I whisper into her hair.  
  
TBC  
  
Yes, I know this was an evil place to end the chapter, but really, did you expect anything else from me? beg See you Monday! 


	5. Shatter the Walls

Title: Choices Surpassed  
  
Chapter 5-Shatter the Walls  
  
Summary: Where it was dark now there is light/ Where there was pain, now there's joy/ Where there was weakness, I found my strength/ All in the eyes of a boy  
  
Author's Note: A happy (or at least happier) chapter as thanks for you guys sticking through all the angst. Hope you think it was worth it. I'd just like to say thanks to all you guys for sticking through this series and for all of the great comments you've given me. I've had a blast writing this whole series. Hope you all had a blast reading it. Enjoy! A New Day Has Come is by Celine Dion. The beginning of this series (and the rest of my fic) can be found at my site: . All other notes and stuff are in the first chapter.  
  
Spoilers: I know I already said this, but I thought I'd say it again here since this is the chapter that has them: Everything up to High and Low is possible.  
  
I was waiting for so long   
For a miracle to come   
  
I'm so glad Lindsey's at Eddie's tonight. I'm such a mess right now that I don't think I could take care of her, too. I can barely take care of myself right now. I have never hurt so bad as when I walked out of Gil's house tonight. I know our friendship's over, and there's nothing that can be done about it.  
  
Everyone told me to be strong   
Hold on and don't shed a tear   
  
I managed to keep my emotions under control until after Lindsey had left. Then I broke down and cried.  
  
So through darkness and good times   
I knew I'd make it through   
  
I just don't know what to do. Gil's always been there for me, been the one I went to when my world imploded. And now I've had my biggest shake-up yet, and he's not here.  
  
And the world thought I had it all   
But I was waiting for you   
  
I am startled out of my thoughts by loud pounding on my door. I open it and am shocked to find Gil on the other side.  
  
Hush now   
I see a light in the sky   
Oh it's almost blinding me   
  
Before I can speak, he's wrapped me in his arms. I feel tears fill my eyes as I hear his words, whispered tenderly into my hair, "I love you."  
  
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel   
With love   
  
He tries to pull away from me, but I cling onto him, as sobs shake my frame and I bury my face into his neck. I never thought I'd hear him say those words to me.  
  
Let the rain come down   
And wash away my tears   
  
He holds me as I continue to cry and begins to softly rock me back and forth.  
  
Let it fill my soul   
And drown my fears   
  
I've loved him for so long, but I never thought he'd feel the same, especially not after the way things have been going between us lately.  
  
Let it shatter the walls   
For a new sun   
A new day has come   
  
Finally, I cease crying and pull away from him, brushing away the remnants of my tears as I do so. I look up at him, "I love you too."  
  
A new day has come   
  
I step away from him and walk into the house. This time we're going to talk.  
  
Where it was dark now there's light   
Where there was pain, now there's joy   
  
I turn around when I hear him speak, "I'm sorry". I look at him. "I'm sorry for these past few months, I just…" he pauses and briefly closes his eyes, before taking in a deep breath and continuing, "I'm sorry."  
  
Where there was weakness, I found my strength   
All in the eyes of a boy   
  
I look at him and know he's telling me the truth. He is truly sorry for all that's gone on between us. With that knowledge, I've finally gained the strength to forgive him. "It's alright."  
  
Hush now   
I see a light in the sky   
Oh it's almost blinding me   
  
He shakes his head, "It's not. You deserve to know." He pauses, and I can tell he's dredging up all of his courage to tell me whatever he's thinking. I have never been a patient person, but right now, at this moment, I am willing to wait for him.  
  
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel   
With love   
  
"I'm losing my hearing." I stay looking at him, stunned by his revelation. Of course I knew his mother was deaf, but I'd never imagined…   
  
Let the rain come down   
And wash away my tears   
  
Suddenly, he's right in front of me, softly brushing my face, "Don't cry," he whispers. I hadn't even realized I had been.  
  
Let it fill my soul   
And drown my fears   
  
I look up at him, "Is there anything they can do? I mean, there has to be something…"   
  
He nods, slowly, "Surgery is a possibility."  
  
I'm confused, "What do you mean a possibility?"  
  
He sighs, "It might not work. I don't know if it'd even be worth it to try."  
  
I shake my head vehemently, "You have to try. Even if it didn't work, it'd be worth it to know." I step closer to him, "You have to try."  
  
He nods, "Okay." I nod back. I know he will, for me.  
  
Let it shatter the walls   
For a new sun   
A new day has come   
  
Suddenly, he leans in close to me. I close my eyes just as I feel his lips brush mine.  
  
A new day has come  
  
Finis 


End file.
